Recently, I had an encouraging conversation with a leader who had seemingly navigated a crucible of leadership over the past four years in such a way that he seemed to be in a much better place than before the craziness of his world had descended.
I was struck by how he exuded a non-anxious, calm presence throughout our conversation…which was about a potentially major change for him and his family. As I dug into his story, I discovered hurts that found healing and closure, a deep acknowledgment of unhealthy, even dysfunctional ways he had coped and traversed life that had served neither he nor those around him very well, followed by subsequent new practices and tools that were helping him become a better version of himself. He seemed to have an honest, realistic assessment of his strengths, challenges, what sort of team members best complemented him, where he had a tendency to over function, and how we hoped to build a high-functioning, healthy team. It was a refreshing encounter with a very self-aware leader.
As people of faith, we know that God meets us where we actually are. He knows where we are. His desire is for us to become the version of ourselves He created us to be. Problem is, sometimes we aren’t cooperating because we’re oblivious or in denial about who we really are right now. We need a look in the mirror. And as leaders, we eventually reproduce who we are.
Self-awareness is not obsessive introspection or constant navel-gazing. Self-awareness is honestly and intentionally examining my motives and behavior by inviting feedback from people who love me and are for me. Getting a clearer picture of who I am right now, so I can more accurately assess where I am on the road to who God designed me to be. Then, with the Holy Spirit’s help, start integrating some intentional practices, engaging in stretching, growth experiences, and cultivating authenticity deep and mutually submitted relationships to help navigate the transformational journey toward greater self-awareness.
I've been on this transformational journey toward greater self-awareness for the past decade (how I wish I had started sooner!). I’m not there yet, but here are some “aha’s” on my journey toward greater self-awareness that may be helpful:
Recognize that all of life is spiritual (God wants to be with me in everything) and interconnected. Compartmentalizing my “spiritual” life or “private” life from my “work” or “church” life doesn’t do good work in me. However, as I invite the Holy Spirit to be with me in everything, asking for “ears to hear and eyes to see,” I tend to be more present to those around me and focus less on me…which translates to good leadership.
Better understand your wiring. Take advantage of tools like DiSC, Enneagram, Meyers Briggs, StrengthsFinders, APEST, and so on. These tools help us get a better handle on our tendencies, strengths, and growth areas. Again, these assessments are just tools that help explain us, not excuse unhealthy or dysfunctional behavior. I’ve found it extremely helpful to be a student of how people around me are wired as well. I can better relate to them and learn to speak their language.
Hunt down your Shadow Mission. There is a dark side to everyone in leadership. We struggle with differentiation, identity issues, enmeshment, boundaries, control, fear, and hidden agendas. The list goes on and on. Identifying and confronting our shadow mission is essential to being a healthy leader worth following.
Listen twice as much as you speak. We’ve all heard… “Two ears... One mouth,” right? I need daily reminders to be more “interested” than “interesting”.
Integrate healthy practices that can help break dysfunctional patterns and habits. I’m far from an expert in this realm, but I’ve gleaned so much from Steve Cuss and his Managing Leadership Anxiety book, podcast, and Capable Life community.
Take Sabbath seriously. Sabbath made the Top Ten for a reason, yet we leaders often think we’re the exception to the rule. I need to sabbath to be reminded that God can do His job when I’m off the clock. Not to mention the benefits of recalibrating body, soul, mind, and relationships.
As leaders, we reproduce who we are. Am I aware of who I am? Am I intentional about who I am becoming?
Rick Callahan | The Elemental Group
Friend and guest blogger Rick Callahan is an Executive Search Consultant at Vanderbloemen. Rick holds degrees from Evangel University (BA); Trinity Evangelical Divinity School (MA); and George Fox University (DMin). He is a Certified Christian Leadership Coach (CCLC) and holds ACC credentials with the International Coaching Federation.
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